Day 9

Last night sucked!  I couldn't get comfortable enough to even try to sleep.  I have a special pillow so I can sit up in bed and 5 regular pillows to arrange however I think might be comfortable.  It just seems that no matter how I arrange them I am putting too much pressure somewhere on my face.  If I lay anyway but straight up I am putting pressure on some part of my face.  If I tilt my head any angle I feel my face straining.  Dr said I can sleep anyway I want but I need to sleep sitting up if I want to try to be comfortable.  Another thing I can't wait to do again is be able to rest my face on my open hand. 

Like this only with my hand on my chin/lower part of my face.  This is the closest I can do without it hurting too much.  Like my towel beneath my face?  You know why that is there.

So I don't know if I mentioned before that I have to use a baby toothbrush to clean my teeth.  Especially since I have the rubberbands limiting how wide I can open my mouth.  I wouldn't be able to use a regular toothbrush anyway.  I am sooo afraid I'm going to brush too hard or accidentally brush over and pull some stitch.  Hasn't happened yet, knock on wood.  But brushing is generally slightly painful and definately stressful. 

Now that I still feel like my tongue is burned it seems super sensitive and raw.  I can't brush it cause it hurts everytime I try.  It also hurts when the tip of the syringe rubs on it.  Andy got me some Kern's necter.  OMG it is soooo good!!  It is smooth in my mouth and doesn't hurt my tongue at all.   I asked him to go get a ton of it at the store.  I tried oatmeal again this morning and I watered it down with lots of milk.  Andy tried to blend it before but it just got frothy and not yummy.  I used the flavored instant oatmeal, made it regular and put tons of milk after.  Soooo yummy.  Ony bad part was trying to clean my mouth after.  It took me a lot longer to feel like my mouth was clean enough.  Haven't decided if the clean up was worth how yummy it was but I think it was.  Still happy I'm ok with having such a limited diet.  I fast forward anything food related on tv when I'm watching my DVR just in case. 

So last night sucked for a couple other reasons.  I think everything finally got to me.  This surgery is really hard mentally under normal circumstances.  I had the bonus of having lots of other sucky things messing with me mentally.  I am stressed that I am having to depend on my husband for literally everything while he is trying to take care of our 4 kids under 8.  Ugh.  I think a tornado hit my house because anything that could be on the floor was.   Ugh.  The kids all took turns getting sick while I was recovering.  Throwing up kids is not something I ever imagined happening.  The baby even was lucky enough to get sick two different times days apart.  Ugh.  I was sooo paranoid of getting sick myself and I couldn't let them breathe my air.  I kept making Andy shower if he got near them.  We were practically choking on the all the Lysol I kept spraying everywhere.  Even my mom, sister and grandma got this bug.  I was afraid for anyone to come visit me in case our house was still contagious or they might even be carrying something and might still get me sick.  I was basicly in isolation for the last 4 days.  Me, the tv and my laptop.  I'm kind of a social person... this was not ok.  It was restful and relaxing while I recovered but very lonely.  Gave me too much time to think about my face.  It was terriefied of sickness and ended up being lonely since I wouldn't let anyone be around me.  I even asked Andy to sleep in our extra bed so he wouldn't bring germs in our room.  If you saw me in person and even tired to imagine how it would feel to throw up the way I am now you would be in isolation too. 

So around 1am last night/early this morning I was watching some tv show.  It wan't anything that was supposed to be funny.  I CAN NOT laugh at all!  So I'm watching this show in my room by myself and this super hysterical thing happens on the show and I laugh so hard.  I couldn't stop myself.  I was dying it was so funny.  I kept replaying it in my head and laughing again.  It HURT!!!!!!  I felt like I was ripping my face off my skull.  It was horrible!!  The stupid thing was that even though I was in so much pain I was still laughing.  Not cool. I finally just kept thinking horrible, sad thoughts on purpose to make me stop laughing.  It worked.   I knew my lips were going to swell up more so I got up and got my ice packs from the hospital out again.  My face was throbbing.  Ugh.  That was it.  It was the breaking point.  I started to get upset, which hurt as much as laughing.  I ended up waking Andy up and we hung out the rest of the night watching not funny shows until I feel finally fell asleep.  The jaw surgery blogs say that everyone has lots of breakdowns because of this surgery and they are right.  I'm glad I am over that one and hope to go back to staying positive about all that is going on.